So I oftentimes find myself seriously thinking about and questioning monogamy. I don't like to talk about it much because people begin to think that I don't want to be with Randy, and that's not the case at all. I love Randy to death and I can't imagine life without him. Monogamy just seems like such a weird and primitive idea to me.
Think about how many people cheat on their significant others. It's a HUGE phenomenon. And when you ask some people why they do it, sometimes they do not know. Perfectly happy people ruin perfectly good situations in order to be with someone else. And then when it is ruined they are heartbroken. Does this seem like a species that should only allow it's persons to take one lover?
The thing that made me think of this is that while I was doing the dishes today, I was contemplating the honeymoon stage. God I miss that. The feeling of just wanting to spend every second with him. He could do no wrong. He was perfect in my eyes. And on the other hand, I was the same to him. I remember when I could not get to him, and he would go WAY out of his way to just come see me for an hour, just because. I remember little notes here and there to let me know that I was the only one he thought of...ever. I remember trying to figure out when I would have fifteen extra minutes to go see him. That's gone. And that's something that will never come back.
It's not that once the honeymoon stage is over that everything goes downhill. You enter an entirely different stage, and in my case it's a stage of comfort. It took a while, but at this point he is my shelter. I can tell him anything, and he can do the same. I can walk around in my pj's with my hair all a mess, and he does not judge me. I can watch him be totally sick for three days, not shower, and just lay there, and I am not grossed out. These are things you can only get when you have passed that initial stage.
But I still find myself wanting to go back to that so happy time. You can imitate that feeling, but you can never get it back. Unfortunately the only way to ever feel that way again is to find another partner and start over. But even that will eventually pass on.
So should humans only be with one person their entire life? It seems like we miss so much if we are! 60 years only being with one person. 60 years! There are so many people in this world, and you cannot experience them all, but by attaching yourself to only the one, you miss out on even more. Every person to entire your life in any way is going to leave some sort of impression, have some sort of effect on you. Think of all of impressions and effects that we lose by not letting ourselves love more than one person.
It just seems like such a flowed system. Not to mention the fact that EVERY DAY you change. You grow. You learn. You develop. It does not make sense that you should always click with the one person in your life. However, no one seems to understand that it is true that people can grow apart. The key word is grow. People grow.
I really dread posting this because of what people may think, but this blog is to help me organize my thoughts, and this is something I think about a lot. Believe it or not, Randy and I have talked about it a lot. Certain points he agrees with, others he doesn't. I don't know when I lost it, but I just can't believe in that forever perfect love. I can't. He still does. I just don't believe in fairy tales.
You would think, having such different opinions on this that he would not trust me, or we would argue, but that is probably the thing I love the most about him. We believe in radically different things sometimes, but we talk about them, and we weave some EXTREMELY interesting conversations about them. You can't always agree on on everything.
Anyways, there's my rant. Take it or leave it, you will not convince me otherwise. Out!
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I generally see the world from a different perspective than you.
ReplyDeleteAnd I don't completely agree with everything you said, but I just want to compliment you on how you put it.
It was a very well thought-out and interesting read. I've done "bad" things, people I've been with have done "bad" things as well. Your write up there doesn't necessarily change the way I feel about things, but it does give an honest and different perspective that I appreciate.
I guess the bottom line is to each their own. And as long as you have an understanding with your "primary" partner, outsiders really have no right to judge you, and what you or don't do.
Again, I at least try to look at it from being on the "wrong" end of a bad decision, and from being the "victim" of something someone else did. I don't necessarily agree with you- but, I do appreciate the way you live and judge others by your own values and mores, not necessarily by the conventional beliefs that so many others are consumed by.
~Eric S